“Do these make me special”, I hear my son Donovan say – or at least I think that’s what he said. I’m trying to figure out how much insulin to give Evin. I gave him 1/2 of a bagel…did he eat 2/3 or 3/4 of it? Does it really matter, you ask? When you are only 4 and take just a little bit of insulin, those carbs do matter. And I am sitting at 2.3 units. I hate .3. I can only give insulin in ½ unit dosages, so what am I suppose to do with .3? Run him a little high or risk that low. I look at our “bible”, our log book. He had lots of activity this morning…I’ll go for 2. But after his normal morning spike, he didn’t come down as much as he usually does. Maybe I’ll do the 2.5. But I’m about to put him down for a nap and I get way too nervous when he is sleeping. I’ll go for the 2. You can see why I wasn’t giving Donovan my full attention.
“Do my glasses make me special?” I hear his voice again. We had picked up his first pair of glasses yesterday and he has done great with them. I am so proud of how he has adjusted, telling him so as much as possible. Since he has not asked once to take them off, I know he is seeing better. “You were special before the glasses, honey.” I say it a bit off handedly, but the pen is primed and I call for Evin. “No, Mom”, he says, “Do my glasses make me special like diabetes makes Evin special?”
That certainly gets my attention…and makes my heart ache. Donovan is my sensitive one – so very empathic. He has had a really hard time with they whys of this whole thing. We have tried to explain, but since I don’t understand, I know he doesn’t. When he asks over and over again why Evin has diabetes, I usually say that that is just how he is made and its one thing that makes him so special.
I bend down and give Donovan a hug. I honestly don’t know how to handle this. I know all about the siblings feeling left out and it’s always at the back of my mind. We have tired not to make diabetes the center of our lives, but this horrible disease has taken over everything.
“You are very special, Donovan. You are funny and smart and make us all laugh. You care so much about how we feel, especially your brother. Your glasses just add one more thing to your list of special things.”
“So my glasses do make me special,” he says with a huge smile on his face. A truly Donovan smile. I have to remember he is only four. “Yep, little man, they make you special”
He hops off happy as a clam. I stand there trying not to cry and call Evin once more.
7 comments:
OMG, first let me say your boys are so darned cute.
My heart broke into tiny pieces as I read how Donovan wanted his glasses to make him special.
I have two children who are younger than Brendon and I've often thought of how to dole out the attention without leaving them at the sidelines while I deal with Bren's diabetes management.
It can be overwhelming trying to meet everyone's needs to begin with...but throw diabetes into the mix and it can be nearly impossible at times.
You're doing an awesomely amazing job.
Hi Kelli. Nice to (sort of) meet you and thanks for stopping by my blog.
You've got some seriously handsome little dudes.
We spent about three years just trying to figure out this new diabetes life of ours. Maybe the occasional email with someone with a child with diabetes, but didn't really reach out to support groups or anything like that.
Finding this community was really like an awakening for me. I've received better advice and more support here than any doctor has ever offered us. We like Charlie's doctors, but they just don't get it. It's not in their home.
I like your posts a lot. This one is heartbreaking. The food:insulin is going to often be a judgment call. One that works out perfect one time and doesn't the next.
If you're interested, I wrote a post called "The Girl" in February about the effect on my daughter, Maeve.
Kelli,
Thanks for visiting my blog-- and (a belated) welcome to the Diabetes Online Community.
To echo Shannon and Carey-- your boys are just adorable.
And I gotta say, this post really struck a chord-- my 4-yr old daughter has alternated between "never, ever wanting diabetes" to wishing for her "very own insulin pump."
It's hard, this trying to balance the needs of your kids-- especially when caring for your child with diabetes demands so very much of you.
That said, it sounds like you're doing a beautiful job.
Take care,
Sandra
p.s. I'll add a link to your site this afternoon.
This post had me in tears. The comment "Do my glasses make me special like diabetes makes Evin special?" made my heart ache.
I imagine being a twin and watching your brother go through this is painful for your son too.
And, I remember trying to give those stupid half doses and trying to figure out if I should give less or more than what he should have.
It sounds like you are doing an awesome job with both of your boys.
And, I'll be linking to you too, if that's OK.
He makes him special.
I automatically feel a special thing happening here with your family. You are strong and are doing a great job with such a unpredictable disease. A disease should be just that. A disease. Cut and dry. Because it is not just that, it will try to take over.
You are doing your best, and you made me cry and thats darned good. Becasue i am such a tough hard nosed guy with little emotion. And very sarcastic..see previous sentence.
You are in good company. Not just with our sign in names but within all of our families. We do talk as if we all live next door.
Take care.
Kelli
Thanks for stopping my blog. Especially because it allowed me to find yours.
I have to ask, why the Cork, etc., roadsign pictures? What's the connection with Ireland (I moved to the US from Ireland in 1986). Drop me a line at bernard(dot)farrell(at)gmail.com - I'm just curious.
My total daily dose is around 25 units. So when I used syringes it was just a pain to try and correct. Since I switched to a pump it's a lot easier because I can give a 0.1 unit correction. Have you looked at getting a pump?
I'll have to catch up on your blog before pestering you with other questions. You may also find TuDiabetes.com to be a useful resource. I know Shannon, Carey, Sandra, myself and many other D-bloggers are there. And there's a group there for parents with Type 1 children. Check it out.
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